I am a middle-aged single woman who survived a suicide attempt in January. I had decided a few years ago to leave nursing;I tried several things,but nothing played out. For some reason I was not able to get a job,and ran up my credit card bills trying to pay rent,utilities,etc. My life was not worth living,so I gave away,threw away,and packed away eveything I owned,and I cut my wrists with razor blades.I did not do it right,though,and I did not die. I lost alot of blood and could not use my hands.After 2 days of lying home alone,I finally called my parents,and they came and took me to the hospital. Now I am living with my parents,am unable to work yet,and have 37,000 dollars in medical bills in addition to the money I owed previously. A funeral would have been cheaper. I am going to my local mental health clinic and taking an antidepressant,but I am still not wanting to be here. What can I do to help myself? How can I find joy in life again? Your prayers and love,your advice and support mean alot to me. Is there anyone else going through this,too? It is hard not having someone to talk to;I am afraid to overwhelm people. So many are uncomfortable with these feelings,and want to say some magic words to make it disappear.That is not going to happen,and I don't hold anyone else responsible for my happiness,my condition. I am hoping to return to school to become an ultrasound tech,but it will be years before I will realize that goal. Perhaps ,in some way,I can be of help to someone else,too. I am used to being the one who helps,so asking for help is hard for me.
